Danny Abramowicz in his prime with the New Orleans Saints
According
to one researcher, if the mother takes the spiritual lead in the
family and the father is passive or indifferent, there is a 30%
probability that the children will be faithful to the Church later in
life. But if the father takes the spiritual lead, the probability
more than doubles to 70%. Why is the role of the father so critical?
Danny
Abramowicz, former NFL All Pro and coach, founder of the Crossing the
Goal Apostolate (see www.crossingthegoal.org),
and host of the program for men by the same name on EWTN television
(Th 9 pm, Sunday 6:30 pm, and Monday 6:30 am. See www.ewth.com)
observed in his talk in the Steubenville Diocesan Men's Day of
Renewal: “Men we have dropped the ball as spiritual leaders in the
family, in the parish, and in the community”.
The
case of the dead beat Dad is blatantly obvious.......takes no
responsibility for the one night stand and birth of his child out of
wedlock; the divorcee or guy who abandons his girl friend and
neglects or avoids the responsibility of supporting his child; or
regularly pays alimony, but has little or no contact with his child.
Interesting is that most convicts in the prison system observe
Mother's Day, but ignore Father's Day. Often the criminal has lost
all contact with his abusive or negligent father and is bitter.
Often he doesn't even know who his father is. A man or woman raised
by a single mother is more likely to fall into crime, drugs, dropping
out of school, severe emotional problems, etc. The situation most
conducive to a child's later success is to be raised in a stable home
with a mother and a father.
Have
fathers in intact families also dropped the ball? If the
father is lax about attending Sunday Mass and sometimes skips for no
grave reason, how can he expect the kids to be faithful? If the home
environment is more secular than Christ centered; if the family's
values are more worldly than Christian, what can we expect of the
kids? If the father defers responsibility for the spiritual
formation of the kids and their education in the faith to his wife,
CCD, or Catholic school, and the Confirmation class without
recognizing the crucial role of both parents as the primary educators
in the faith, what can we expect for the future strength and vibrancy
of the Church? No wonder we have so few vocations to the priesthood
and the religious life! No wonder we live in a morally decadent
society!
Blessed
John Paul's Father. In his book “John
Paul II: A Life of Grace” Renzo Allegri gives an
intimate glimpse of young Karol Wojtila's family life. The role and
profound influence of his father, Captain Karol Woyila Sr. on his
life and spiritual formation was crucial (see
http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/8460/pope-john-paul-iis-father/).
Below are a few excerpts:
“He
suspected that Lolek [Karol Jr.’s nickname] would be a special
child. Parents often have these kinds of intuitions. The captain
decided to dedicate himself to his son. No one could have helped,
understood or guided the child the way he could. He rolled up his
sleeves, pushed aside his own great sorrow and, in his usual, style,
made a plan. For twelve years, . . . Karol Wojtyla Sr. was father,
mother, friend, teacher, role model and playmate for Lolek. The two
became inseparable. . . . He was sacrificing every moment of his life
so that little Lolek would grow up well.”
“They
lived in a wonderful atmosphere of mutual understanding and
affection. Their days together were never boring, sad or melancholic.
The captain was a very attentive, generous and selfless man, and he
knew how to adapt to the needs of his son. Although he talked about
history and literature, he also talked about sports, music and
entertainment. Often father and son would go to the movies together,
which Lolek particularly enjoyed. On Sunday, they would eat lunch
together in a restaurant and take a long walk along the Skawa River.
They also played together.”
“Karol
was an incomparable mentor of spiritual life for his son. Lolek’s
schoolmates state that they would often see the two Wojtylas kneeling
next to one another in the church, engrossed in prayer. It was a
moving sight.” Allegri then quotes the Pontiff himself:
“The mere fact of seeing him on his knees
had a decisive influence on my early years. He was so hard on himself
that he had no need to be hard on his son; his example alone was
sufficient to inculcate discipline and a sense of duty. He was an
exceptional person.”
And another time, the Holy Father
wrote – “He was a deeply religious
man. Day after day I was able to observe the austere way in which he
lived. By profession he was a soldier and, after my mother’s death,
his life became one of constant prayer. Sometimes I would wake up
during the night and find my father on his knees, just as I would see
him kneeling in the parish church. We never spoke about a vocation to
the priesthood, but his example was in a way my first seminary, a
kind of domestic seminary.”
The Father as a Priest and Teacher in the Family
(see
http://www.chandrakumar.net/The%20HusbandFather%20as%20Family%20priest.html).
Until falling to idol worship in the desert, the Israelite father
was very much a priest and had the privilege of offering sacrifices
to God. The parish priest represents God to the people in his role
as leader and teacher. He also represents the people to God. The
father does the same in his family. Although only the ordained
priest can offer the perfect sacrifice, i.e. say Mass, the father in
the family leads family prayer as the rosary, grace before meals, and
leads the family as a unit to Sunday Mass as a serious obligation.
He, together with his wife, is responsible for teaching the faith to
the children and forming virtue. They guide and they discipline. He
is responsible for assuring that all members of the family are active
in parish activities as adoration, devotions, youth group, serving
the parish as altar servers, choir members, and ministries as well as
to encourage frequent reception of the sacraments including monthly
confession.
Scott
Hahn observes that “One
of the marvels of God's plan is that He has given fathers a
priesthood and priests a fatherhood. Within the family, the father
stands before God as a priest and mediator. Within the Church, the
priest stands before his parish as a father. A priest's fatherhood is
not merely metaphorical, it is something metaphysical. It is a
supernatural participation in God's fatherhood and in Christ's high
priesthood. How did Christ exercise His high priesthood? He became
the New Adam, the father of a new human family in the Church. He
thereby became the perfect image of the Father on earth.” See
http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0647.html.
Leadership
by Example is crucial.
To
a large extent the faith is caught more than taught as catechism
answers to be memorized, however important. Practice what you
preach; practice virtue. Live the faith. As a professor by
profession, I have a tendency to preach too much and get turned off.
Then I can scandalize when I'm uncharitable or lose my
temper.....kids and even the neighbors within range. Then it
becomes deformation instead of formation. Often I have had to
struggle in balancing the demands of survival in my faculty position
and family or apostolic activities in the Church and family. So as
you see, I often drop the ball myself, but I am also trying to put
the above principles into practice.
It
is not enough to love, but to communicate that love.......by touch
(be it a hug or a pat on the back), tone of voice, listening
attentively, patiently giving help as needed, etc. Then it is more
likely that the father will be emulated.
Consciously
or unconsciously children, especially boys use us as models......for
virtue as well as for vice. According to Abramowicz, “children
love their mother, but follow their father” They need affirmation
or approval for their self-confidence and self-esteem. Until proven
otherwise, they look to their father as a strong figure whom they can
trust. For the daughter, according to one pediatrician, the father
is the most important man in her life. Her image of men is often
determined by her father. He can have a great influence upon her
developing a healthy sexuality.
Recovering
Fumbles.
Yes, we can juggle, drop, or fumble the ball and often do. But we
can also recover the ball in mid-air or pick up the fumble on the
bounce and make sizable gains by learning from our mistakes, working
on our weaknesses and faults, seeking the graces of confession,
becoming closer to God, praying for his help, and plowing forward.
St. Joseph, pray that we
fathers become more effective spiritual leaders, teachers, and
priests in our families in raising our children for eternity..
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